🌿 Navigating Othering and Policing Within my Local Neurodivergent Communities: A Reflection

I'd like to start with a poem that a beautiful ND colleague shared with me:

"Together we will create brave space.
Because there is no such thing as a ‘safe space’—
We exist in the real world.
We all carry scars and we have all caused wounds."

– Micky ScottBey Jones

💡 Navigating Fear, Exclusion, and Gatekeeping in Neurodivergent Spaces

Many of us enter neurodivergent spaces carrying the weight of exclusion, misunderstanding, and harm. We build communities seeking belonging, safety, and understanding. But sometimes, fear—along with the weight of past harm, the need for certainty, or deeply held beliefs about right and wrong—leads us to police each other rather than approach with curiosity and trust.

I understand that fear and concern—I’ve felt it too. I also know that so many in our community are deeply invested in reducing harm and ensuring families have access to neurodivergent-affirming supports. I see that. I value that. And I share that commitment.

✨ I want to clarify that this post will not be about division (we have enough of that in our world right now), but fostering a neurodivergent-affirming community where acceptance, learning, and growth are valued over gatekeeping and exclusion.

As a multiply neurodivergent professional, advocate, and parent, my work is rooted in affirming, compassionate support for marginalized and neurodivergent individuals. Guided by both lived and professional experience, I draw from:

✅ Disability justice & anti-oppressive practice
✅ Intersectionality & cultural humility
✅ Trauma-, sensory-, PDA- and neurodivergent-informed practices
✅ Polyvagal theory, relational neuroscience, co-regulatory, lower-demand and low-arousal collaborative approaches
✅ Attachment science and embodied approaches 
✅ The power of honoring self-direction, passions, interests, and strengths-based support

At its core, my work is about radical acceptance—ensuring that neurodivergent individuals are understood, respected, and supported in a world that often pathologizes differences instead of embracing diversity and removing barriers.

For a long time, I wanted to share more—to contribute more meaningfully to these conversations. But the reality was, I was at capacity. I was navigating my own neurodivergence, neurodivergent motherhood, and the immense responsibility of supporting neurodivergent families. I simply didn’t have the energy or bandwidth to show up online.

And when I finally did step out, I was met with silence or rejection.

Now, I do have more energy and capacity. And I look forward to these conversations.

🌱 Experiencing Exclusion Within ND Spaces

It is only at this moment in time that I have the support I need and the capacity to speak publicly about my painful experiences.

I used to think I was making it up, but it has been confirmed by clients and colleagues.

Despite my unwavering commitment to neurodivergent-affirming practices, I have faced ongoing exclusion, policing, and erasure within some local neurodivergent spaces.

Through much reflection and conversations with amazing ND people, I’ve come to see how these experiences unintentionally mirror broader systems of power, creating fear, barriers to collaboration, and hindrances to shared advocacy and meaningful engagement.

📌 Posts mentioning my work and business have been deleted.
📌 My contributions to conversations have been dismissed.

The hard truth is that I have been othered, ostracized, and spoken about in ways that misrepresent not just my beliefs and intentions, but also the real, meaningful work I do—supporting families, guiding professionals, and advocating for change at multiple levels.

At first, this was a painful and frustrating experience—not just for me, but for the families and professionals who rely on my work. But I have taken the time to process, heal, and ground myself in what I know to be true.

I am now in a place where I am ready to advocate for myself—something I have done tirelessly for others, and now, I will do for myself.

📢 Now, I am writing this as a permanent record—one that cannot be erased, dismissed, or deleted by others.

🔍 Addressing Misconceptions and Misrepresentations

A recurring criticism I face is my past training in Relationship Development Intervention (RDI). While I trained in RDI years ago, I have since shifted entirely to a fully neurodivergent-affirming lens, grounded in:

✅ Up-to-date research on the brain and nervous system
✅ Neurodivergent-affirming ways of being and needs
✅ Disability justice and anti-oppressive practices

I have been transparent about my evolution, reflecting thoughtfully on past training while actively dismantling ableist approaches and advocating within oppressive systems. Yet, some still use my history with RDI to discredit me, ignoring the extensive work I’ve done to build affirming practices and support others in making this shift.

💡 At the time, RDI was one of the few alternatives to ABA, which is known to cause harm and trauma. While RDI is not fully aligned with the neurodiversity movement, it can be a stepping stone for families searching for something beyond behaviorism.

While I no longer endorse RDI due to its medical-model framework, my time studying it was not without value. It reinforced the importance of:

📍 Navigating crises with thoughtful support
📍 Slowing down and attuning to a child’s needs
📍 Understanding children through a developmental lens
📍 Strengthening parent-child relationships through co-regulation, reciprocity, and scaffolding
📍 Prioritizing relationships over compliance-based interventions
📍 Creating a more balanced, communication-rich environment

Even when I was an RDI Consultant, I was actively developing a neurodivergent-affirming approach—long before many who now critique me had even begun this journey.

I want to be very clear: Over the years, I have remained unwavering in my commitment to dismantling ableist approaches and advocating for affirming, ethical, and compassionate supports for neurodivergent people and their families.

⚠️ The Harm of Policing and Erasure

My dream is for the neurodivergent community to be a brave space of support, growth, and shared advocacy—a space where we get to show up as we are and grow together.

Yet, when individuals are selectively excluded based on outdated or incomplete narratives, we create a culture of fear and division rather than one of learning and solidarity.

This is particularly damaging when it comes from within our own community—especially among those of us working to shift systemic barriers for the most vulnerable neurodivergent individuals and families—many of whom I serve.

The policing and othering I have experienced is not just personal—it impacts the families and professionals I support.

📍 This exclusion disproportionately affects those like me with internalized-PDA profiles, who often experience heightened sensitivity and survival nervous system responses to control and rejection.

📍 The very people who most need low-demand, flexible, and affirming spaces are then left feeling unwelcome, further perpetuating cycles of distress and disconnection.

📍 When my contributions are erased or dismissed, the vital work I do in helping families navigate complex systems, find community, and access affirming approaches is also diminished.

📍 And when individuals engage in call-outs rather than conversations, it discourages others from publicly acknowledging their own learning journeys for fear of being ostracized. I have heard this firsthand from ND colleagues.

🌍 A Call for Integrity, Transparency, and Community

I am not writing this to ask universal agreement with my work. Thoughtful critique and discussion are valuable and always welcome.

✅ If someone has concerns about my approach, I welcome direct conversation.
✅ If someone has questions about my past training, I encourage them to engage with the extensive material I have shared on my evolving practice or chat with me—that’s an open invitation.

What I do not accept is erasure, misinformation, or exclusionary tactics that undermine the very community we are all working to support.

We need to move away from purity-based gatekeeping and toward nuanced, meaningful engagement. Purity-based gatekeeping often reflects colonial thinking, reinforcing binaries of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ rather than embracing complexity, intersectionality, and the continual evolution of knowledge and wisdom.

✨ True inclusion requires space for growth, self-reflection, and the understanding that learning is a lifelong messy, imperfect process.

💡 We all have to start somewhere, and we are worthy of respect and belonging at all parts of our journey.

🌍 Standing in My Work & Moving Forward

I have spent the last nine years deeply immersed in learning, growing, and evolving—not just academically but personally.

📖 My journey has included:

• Diving into neuroscience, relational and interpersonal biology, and connected parenting approaches, completing numerous trainings, certifications, and extensive research and reading.
• Learning directly from neurodivergent professionals and advocates, including Kristy Forbes, Dr. Megan Anna Neff and other affirming communities.
• Regularly participating in professional spaces where neurodivergent therapists and practitioners navigate the complexities of this work.
• Integrating these insights into my coaching, consulting, and courses, supporting families and professionals in creating neurodivergent-affirming environments.
• Co-authoring a book (awaiting publication) on connection-based parenting with neurodivergent children.
• Studying under my colleague Robyn Gobbel, contributing to her Advanced Practitioners Program and creating visual resources such as Felt Safety, recently posted by PDA North America. Check it out here: Felt-Safety Infographic
• Curating ND-affirming children's books, as a visual processor who values representation and storytelling.
• Educating and guiding professionals supporting both my family and the families I work with.
• Beginning to develop courses with Jamie Roberts (@neurodivergenttherapist) on NeuroPebble 
• The ongoing creation of my own body of work, including workshops and infographics.

I am now at a point where professionals turn to me for coaching and guidance. I educate at workshops, develop infographics and book resources, and will soon be creating courses for NeuroPebble. This journey has been one of constant growth, reflection, and deep commitment to the neurodivergent community.

To my colleagues and community members who support me—thank you. Your willingness to stand by me, refer to my work, and push back against exclusionary behaviors means more than I can express.

This blog post is here for you to share when needed—as a reference point for those who seek to understand my work and my commitment to the neurodivergent community.

For those who may have engaged in, or been influenced by, harmful narratives about me—I invite you to reach out and connect. Let's build something better, together. ✨ I welcome dialogue about all of these much-needed conversations as we work toward a more affirming, inclusive future.

✨ I’d like to close by sharing the rest of this poem as a reminder of our shared humanity:

In this space
We seek to turn down the volume of the outside world,
We amplify voices that fight to be heard elsewhere,
We call each other to more truth and respect
We have the right to start somewhere and continue to grow.
We have the responsibility to examine what we think we know.
We will not be perfect.
This space will not be perfect.
It will not always be what we wish it to be
But
It will be our brave space together,
and
We will work on it side by side.
“Invitation to Brave Space” by Micky ScottBey Jones, 2020

I welcome thoughtful engagement and discussion in brave spaces, but I also reserve the right to be intentional about where I invest my energy. 💜

Adrianne